Let me start by sharing a very important tip…
I never like to judge a speech to be a failure because I genuinely think there is something positive to take from every presentation. People sometimes ask me, “What is the worst speech you’ve ever seen?” I’m always reluctant to answer that to be honest – it’s not my way - but this article begs me to share my answer with you. Several years ago, I witnessed a speech that started well, but went downhill fast because of one simple mistake…
Two dear friends of mine (who shall remain nameless) got married and invited seventy guests for the occasion. From the bride’s walk up the aisle to the final fireworks display that night, the entire event was a roaring success… except for one off-the-wall moment - the best man speech!
What sin did he commit? Did he spew out excessively offensive material? Did he humiliate the groom? Nope. Nothing so interesting. To his credit, he did manage to hold the audience for over 5 minutes before it became clear he was too much in love with the sound of his own voice to quit while he was ahead. His initial success had fuelled his ego into thinking he could go on forever. His speech ended up lasting over 25 minutes; that is, until someone finally snatched the microphone away and told him to sit down.
I’m sure you’ve heard of stage fright. There is a much rarer, opposing phenomenon called stage addiction. It can be a lovely thing, but it can also strike quickly, and it can be deadly if it infects the ego.
When it comes to public speaking I don’t like rules because rules were made to be broken. I much prefer guidelines. Public speaking is an art as much as a science. Sometimes you have to trust your instincts and see what happens. In other words, sometimes you have to break the so-called rules. Having said all that, here comes a rule! Please don’t break it! Ready?
Never outstay your welcome!
Got it?
In the case of wedding speeches, they should last no longer than 10 minutes! When I say 10 minutes, I mean that as an absolute limit. Not a target. If you decide to speak for longer than 10 minutes, you better make sure you are Billy Connelly or Barack Obama… and even then…
The sweet spot for a wedding speech is 4-5 minutes. Less is more! People did not come together to listen to one person. They came to celebrate two people.
Wedding speeches belong to a specific category of speaking called the “Honouring” speech. Honouring speeches are all about celebration. The emotions offered by you, the speaker, should include any (or all) of the following: gratitude, appreciation, joy, passion, hope, playfulness and love.
In terms of the content, you should include the following:
- Acknowledgements – Compliment the bride, groom, bridesmaids, parents, family, friends, etc. in that order.
- Personal Stories – Share stories about the bride and groom that showcase either playfulness or love (or both).
- Toast – Ask everyone to raise their glasses to the happy couple
Here’s a structure that works well for any wedding speech:
- Acknowledgements
- Funny Stories
- Poignant Celebratory Compliments
- The Toast
It’s also a good idea to check your material with the parents of the bride and groom, especially if you are considering pushing the envelope. If you share a contentious story with the audience and they are uncertain if you have pushed it too far, they will tend to look towards the top table to see how they are reacting. If the parents are laughing away, it will sway the majority in the right direction.
It’s up to you to use sound judgement with your content. Remember, this is not your opportunity to be a stand-up comedian. Remember who you are there for!
Like all public speaking scenarios, stories are the most important ingredient of all. The best stories have characters we can resonate with, conflicts we want to see overcome, and of course climaxes that entertain, and teach us more about the quirks and traits of the characters. Stories offer messages and punchlines. Make sure your stories give unique, specific, humorous or poignant insights into those you are speaking about.
Stories offer a chance to “show” rather than “tell”. Don’t tell us how loyal the bride is. Share a story that proves it. Stories that you are a part of will come across as the most genuine, but if you don’t have anything appropriate in your repertoire, the couple’s families should be able to help you out. They have more stories about the bride and groom than anyone else.
Keep your stories as unique as you can. If the other speakers are talking about the bride in her adult years, consider using a story from her childhood. Look for stories that prove positive or quirky traits; e.g. loyalty, intelligence, perfectionism, adventurousness, etc.
Finally, and most importantly, enjoy your speech!!!
How many people forget to enjoy themselves when they are speaking? It’s a privilege to present, especially at a wedding. Make the most of it, and once again… remember who you are there for.