A recent client of mine said this to me...
“If only I didn’t feel that horrible dread in my stomach I’d be able to speak a lot better!!!”
Every time she was about to deliver a presentation she suffered from a heavy knot-like fear in her solar plexus. We’re all familiar with those nervous reactions that occur inside us when we are faced with life’s challenges and uncertainties. In this blog article I will revisit some tools from earlier articles that you can use to ease your anxieties. In addition, I will share with you a powerful technique you won’t find anywhere else – a tip you can use to help reduce your fears instantly…
Where do unpleasant fears come from? Cognitive and behavioural psychology tells us that our emotions are driven by the thoughts we think. It is estimated that the average human being thinks between 15,000 and 50,000 thoughts every day. Most of them are mere noise, like “talk radio” playing in the background. It is only those thoughts that generate strong emotions that tend to influence us in any significant way.
Our emotions drive us towards (or away from) certain behaviours and/or actions. That’s why many people tend to avoid delivering presentations. They hate that horrible feeling of fear that builds inside them. If you have a fear of public speaking it’s invariably due to negative thinking (conscious or unconscious). However, it is not the negative thought itself that’s disruptive – it’s the feeling that inhibits us. Worse still, these negative thoughts and feelings join with, and bolster, the limiting beliefs we unwittingly cultivate about ourselves… beliefs like:
“My audience knows I’m frightened. They can see me dying up there.”
“My voice sucks.”
“I’m such a waffler.”
… etc, etc, etc.
By the way, a belief is just a thought you keep thinking, because you have assigned a certainty to it. You have chosen to make it real for yourself, and your unconscious mind is only too happy to store it for you. Call these beliefs emotional baggage. We are all prone to them, by the way. All it takes is one or two speaking performances that don’t meet our inner critic’s ultra-high standards for living. We also tend to be hard on ourselves for making mistakes. It’s almost a disease in society that people are expected to never make mistakes.
How do you get rid of negative public speaking beliefs? The same way you get rid of any negative thoughts. Cultivate more constructive positive ones! Sounds simple, right? I admit this can take time, but it invariably involves being kind to yourself, and at the same time pushing yourself just outside your comfort zone. That feeling of discomfort never lasts as long as you think, and the rewards are life lasting.
Find a warm, encouraging place to speak, and find a good system for skill building (e.g. body language skills, storytelling skills, vocal skills, etc.) If your funds are limited, Toastmasters is a worldwide non-profit organisation dedicated to fostering public speaking skills – go to www.toastmasters.org to find a club near you. They are not free of charge, but very close.
When you practice your speaking skills, only accept constructive, detailed feedback from people (and from your own inner critic). And for goodness sake, give yourself permission to make mistakes (because everyone does).
Now that I’ve advised you to face your fears step by step, it’s only fair that I should share three powerful tools to help cut through your fears and anxieties. These will help you at any stage of your public speaking career, regardless of whether you are receiving coaching or attending a course…
Try breathing from behind your belly button right now. If you have trouble focusing on where you are breathing, visualise a balloon behind your belly that inflates every time you breathe in, and deflates every time you breathe out. After a few breaths you should start to feel calmer, more assured and more focused. Technically, you are meditating (it doesn’t matter if you are active or still). This is because your mind slows down. Less thoughts, less chance of negative emotion. You are also taking in the maximum capacity of air into your lungs. Any nerves you feel will quickly dissipate because you are what yoga masters call “grounded”.
You should breathe from behind your belly as often as possible (not only when you are speaking in public). If you are still confused as to how to breathe like this, check out the experts… new born babies. They know how to breathe properly. It is only when we grow older that we begin to breathe from our chest in reaction to negative feelings. When you breathe from the chest, any nerves you feel will build up in that area and stick there. This will begin to affect your voice, giving it a nervous wobble.
It doesn’t take too long to re-learn how to breathe from the belly. From now on, whenever you feel fear (or other unpleasant emotions), check where you are breathing from, and practice belly breathing. Activate that balloon. It will give your voice more projection and gravitas, and it will always make you feel better.
2. Keyword Emphasis
In the blog article entitled “Help, I have a Monotonous Voice” I discussed the concept of emphasizing words and phrases during your delivery to inject passion and energy into your speech. For example, take the sentence:
“This is so important.”
This could be delivered with a special emphasis on the word “so” to read like;
“This is sooo important.”
Sometimes there is no preferred word to emphasise. In our sample sentence, you could instead say;
“This is so important.”
It’s your choice.
If you have a script in front of you, go down through the text and underline any words and phrases that, if emphasized, will deepen the meaning and context of your sentences. Read your script out loud to help you find those so-called keywords.
An added advantage of using keyword emphasis is that your fear usually decreases, or in some cases disappears altogether. The reason is that, though it is easy to do, emphasizing words takes some focus, and so it distracts you from worrying about other things (such as how you are coming across). Meanwhile, you will actually come across as more engaging. Don’t underestimate keyword emphasis as a quick and easy tool sound and feel much better as a speaker.
3. Role Modelling
And now for something completely different – the role model technique. To begin, choose your favourite public speaker – a person you admire the most. It could be anyone; a politician, comedian, television presenter, someone from your personal life… anyone. Next, set up a camera to record yourself speaking (get a friend to point a smart phone in your direction). Now, demonstrate to the camera how your favourite speaker would deliver your presentation. The material doesn’t matter; you can choose a speech you are currently preparing (or one you have recently delivered).
It is important not to attempt a full-on impersonation. For example, if you choose to do Donald Trump you don’t need to slap on a blonde wig and take on a nasal American twang, complete with jabbing fingers and a Tourette-style vocabulary. You are only looking to offer a general rendition of the speaker’s overall positive speaking traits; confident body language, vocal pace, passion levels, etc. To prepare, write down all their positive traits on paper:
Now record yourself on video pretending to have these skills, just like your favourite speaker would. Watch the result back. How does it look? Pretty good, eh? If you look too inauthentic or over-zealous, it’s probably because you tried too hard, or went into an impersonation. Turn it down a notch and try again. Don’t lose yourself in the delivery – keep yourself in there. Remember you are not becoming the speaker, instead you are showing us what they are like using yourself as a reference point.
By the way, did you notice how your fear disappears when you do this exercise?
That’s because you are allowing yourself to feel as confident as your chosen speaker does. This is called role modelling. The reason why it works so well is because you are tapping into speaking traits that you in fact share with this person. You just never realised it, or I suspect believed you could be that good.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once talked about the “shadow” of the human psyche. The shadow contains those aspects of our personality that we don’t like, and so we disown them, projecting them out onto others.
There is also the so-called “golden shadow”. This part of our psyche contains all the wonderful potentials we have not yet discovered or developed. One of the best ways to figure out what these hidden talents are is to look closely at the people we admire – our so-called role models. The reason why we admire these people is because we feel a psychological resonance with them. Even to watch or listen to them gives us energy. That’s because they are waking up those parts of ourselves we haven’t taken the time to nurture.
When you practice the role-modelling exercise, it is important to note that you are not trying to be someone else for the sake of acting. And no-one in your audience will suddenly laugh and say “Hey, that’s Donald Trump” or whoever. You are still being you – just a new enhanced “you”. You can use this trick any time you feel anxiety before a presentation. Just say to yourself; “Okay, this is how Barack Obama (or whoever) would do it” and go do it!
As the actor Denzel Washington once said, “I think a role model is a mentor – someone you see on a daily basis, and you learn from them.”
With the role-model exercise you are in fact learning about yourself. So, get out the video camera, pick your favourite speaker, have fun, and say goodbye to your fears.
“If only I didn’t feel that horrible dread in my stomach I’d be able to speak a lot better!!!”
Every time she was about to deliver a presentation she suffered from a heavy knot-like fear in her solar plexus. We’re all familiar with those nervous reactions that occur inside us when we are faced with life’s challenges and uncertainties. In this blog article I will revisit some tools from earlier articles that you can use to ease your anxieties. In addition, I will share with you a powerful technique you won’t find anywhere else – a tip you can use to help reduce your fears instantly…
Where do unpleasant fears come from? Cognitive and behavioural psychology tells us that our emotions are driven by the thoughts we think. It is estimated that the average human being thinks between 15,000 and 50,000 thoughts every day. Most of them are mere noise, like “talk radio” playing in the background. It is only those thoughts that generate strong emotions that tend to influence us in any significant way.
Our emotions drive us towards (or away from) certain behaviours and/or actions. That’s why many people tend to avoid delivering presentations. They hate that horrible feeling of fear that builds inside them. If you have a fear of public speaking it’s invariably due to negative thinking (conscious or unconscious). However, it is not the negative thought itself that’s disruptive – it’s the feeling that inhibits us. Worse still, these negative thoughts and feelings join with, and bolster, the limiting beliefs we unwittingly cultivate about ourselves… beliefs like:
“My audience knows I’m frightened. They can see me dying up there.”
“My voice sucks.”
“I’m such a waffler.”
… etc, etc, etc.
By the way, a belief is just a thought you keep thinking, because you have assigned a certainty to it. You have chosen to make it real for yourself, and your unconscious mind is only too happy to store it for you. Call these beliefs emotional baggage. We are all prone to them, by the way. All it takes is one or two speaking performances that don’t meet our inner critic’s ultra-high standards for living. We also tend to be hard on ourselves for making mistakes. It’s almost a disease in society that people are expected to never make mistakes.
How do you get rid of negative public speaking beliefs? The same way you get rid of any negative thoughts. Cultivate more constructive positive ones! Sounds simple, right? I admit this can take time, but it invariably involves being kind to yourself, and at the same time pushing yourself just outside your comfort zone. That feeling of discomfort never lasts as long as you think, and the rewards are life lasting.
Find a warm, encouraging place to speak, and find a good system for skill building (e.g. body language skills, storytelling skills, vocal skills, etc.) If your funds are limited, Toastmasters is a worldwide non-profit organisation dedicated to fostering public speaking skills – go to www.toastmasters.org to find a club near you. They are not free of charge, but very close.
When you practice your speaking skills, only accept constructive, detailed feedback from people (and from your own inner critic). And for goodness sake, give yourself permission to make mistakes (because everyone does).
Now that I’ve advised you to face your fears step by step, it’s only fair that I should share three powerful tools to help cut through your fears and anxieties. These will help you at any stage of your public speaking career, regardless of whether you are receiving coaching or attending a course…
- Breathing from the Core
Try breathing from behind your belly button right now. If you have trouble focusing on where you are breathing, visualise a balloon behind your belly that inflates every time you breathe in, and deflates every time you breathe out. After a few breaths you should start to feel calmer, more assured and more focused. Technically, you are meditating (it doesn’t matter if you are active or still). This is because your mind slows down. Less thoughts, less chance of negative emotion. You are also taking in the maximum capacity of air into your lungs. Any nerves you feel will quickly dissipate because you are what yoga masters call “grounded”.
You should breathe from behind your belly as often as possible (not only when you are speaking in public). If you are still confused as to how to breathe like this, check out the experts… new born babies. They know how to breathe properly. It is only when we grow older that we begin to breathe from our chest in reaction to negative feelings. When you breathe from the chest, any nerves you feel will build up in that area and stick there. This will begin to affect your voice, giving it a nervous wobble.
It doesn’t take too long to re-learn how to breathe from the belly. From now on, whenever you feel fear (or other unpleasant emotions), check where you are breathing from, and practice belly breathing. Activate that balloon. It will give your voice more projection and gravitas, and it will always make you feel better.
2. Keyword Emphasis
In the blog article entitled “Help, I have a Monotonous Voice” I discussed the concept of emphasizing words and phrases during your delivery to inject passion and energy into your speech. For example, take the sentence:
“This is so important.”
This could be delivered with a special emphasis on the word “so” to read like;
“This is sooo important.”
Sometimes there is no preferred word to emphasise. In our sample sentence, you could instead say;
“This is so important.”
It’s your choice.
If you have a script in front of you, go down through the text and underline any words and phrases that, if emphasized, will deepen the meaning and context of your sentences. Read your script out loud to help you find those so-called keywords.
An added advantage of using keyword emphasis is that your fear usually decreases, or in some cases disappears altogether. The reason is that, though it is easy to do, emphasizing words takes some focus, and so it distracts you from worrying about other things (such as how you are coming across). Meanwhile, you will actually come across as more engaging. Don’t underestimate keyword emphasis as a quick and easy tool sound and feel much better as a speaker.
3. Role Modelling
And now for something completely different – the role model technique. To begin, choose your favourite public speaker – a person you admire the most. It could be anyone; a politician, comedian, television presenter, someone from your personal life… anyone. Next, set up a camera to record yourself speaking (get a friend to point a smart phone in your direction). Now, demonstrate to the camera how your favourite speaker would deliver your presentation. The material doesn’t matter; you can choose a speech you are currently preparing (or one you have recently delivered).
It is important not to attempt a full-on impersonation. For example, if you choose to do Donald Trump you don’t need to slap on a blonde wig and take on a nasal American twang, complete with jabbing fingers and a Tourette-style vocabulary. You are only looking to offer a general rendition of the speaker’s overall positive speaking traits; confident body language, vocal pace, passion levels, etc. To prepare, write down all their positive traits on paper:
- Confident
- Charismatic
- Relaxed
- Clear Diction
- Energetic, etc.
Now record yourself on video pretending to have these skills, just like your favourite speaker would. Watch the result back. How does it look? Pretty good, eh? If you look too inauthentic or over-zealous, it’s probably because you tried too hard, or went into an impersonation. Turn it down a notch and try again. Don’t lose yourself in the delivery – keep yourself in there. Remember you are not becoming the speaker, instead you are showing us what they are like using yourself as a reference point.
By the way, did you notice how your fear disappears when you do this exercise?
That’s because you are allowing yourself to feel as confident as your chosen speaker does. This is called role modelling. The reason why it works so well is because you are tapping into speaking traits that you in fact share with this person. You just never realised it, or I suspect believed you could be that good.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once talked about the “shadow” of the human psyche. The shadow contains those aspects of our personality that we don’t like, and so we disown them, projecting them out onto others.
There is also the so-called “golden shadow”. This part of our psyche contains all the wonderful potentials we have not yet discovered or developed. One of the best ways to figure out what these hidden talents are is to look closely at the people we admire – our so-called role models. The reason why we admire these people is because we feel a psychological resonance with them. Even to watch or listen to them gives us energy. That’s because they are waking up those parts of ourselves we haven’t taken the time to nurture.
When you practice the role-modelling exercise, it is important to note that you are not trying to be someone else for the sake of acting. And no-one in your audience will suddenly laugh and say “Hey, that’s Donald Trump” or whoever. You are still being you – just a new enhanced “you”. You can use this trick any time you feel anxiety before a presentation. Just say to yourself; “Okay, this is how Barack Obama (or whoever) would do it” and go do it!
As the actor Denzel Washington once said, “I think a role model is a mentor – someone you see on a daily basis, and you learn from them.”
With the role-model exercise you are in fact learning about yourself. So, get out the video camera, pick your favourite speaker, have fun, and say goodbye to your fears.
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